It is very important that we take the time to search for a therapist who will be supportive of us. We also need to remember that we do not have to stay with a counselor we don't feel comfortable with. It is key to our healing to find a therapist who is qualified to guide us through our healing work.

We deserve to work with a therapist who will support us consistently.

We are worthy of this kind of support!

We need to be supported and deserve to be supported.

Support Systems

People in your support system shouldn't:

-Minimize your feelings

-Downplay the affects of the abuse

-Take your abuser's side

-Ask you to hurry up and get over it

-Tell you or make you feel that you are responsible for the abuse

-Make you feel badly or harass you

If you find yourself feeling badly or depressed after seeing a particular person, then this is not the person who will give you the support and encouragement you are worthy of.

A Good Therapist Must:

-Believe that the abuse happened

-Not make light of your experience or the pain you feel as a result of it

-Listen intently to you and believe your worst memories

-Not push forgiveness

-Focus on you...never on the abuser

-Not share personal problems with you.

-Respectful of your feelings whether they are: grief, anger, rage, sadness, helplessness, or happiness)

-Never force you to do something you are uncomfortable with

-Want you to have a wide support system outside of his/her office

-Encourage you to be in contact with other Survivors of Child Abuse

-Teach you strategies to take care of yourself

-Help you find ways to cope with the most difficult days

-Be open to working out problems that may arise in your relationship

-Offer Insight and hope

-Furnish information and guidance appropriate for adult survivors of child abuse.

-Provide tons of consistent, loving support

-Work themselves out of a job :-)

~Getting a Name and taking the first steps~

Where can I look?

*Ask friends *Call the local crisis hotline

*Call national or local professional organizations and ask for the names of therapists who specialize in abuse.

You may also want to look for the following in your therapist:

-Is the therapist willing to take phone calls and/or fit you in for extra sessions if necessary?

-Would you prefer to work with a man or woman?

-Would you feel more comfortable with someone who is of the same race, ethnic background, religion?

-Would it help for the therapist to be a survivor?

-Does your therapist offer a sliding fee scale and insurance arrangements ?

-Find out about training and background of therapist...find out if they have experience working with the effects of child abuse.

*Discuss policies of therapist such as:

-What happens if an appointment is missed.

-How telephone contact is handled.

-How and when the therapist will be paid.

-Rules that the therapist may have adheres to in the course of therapy.

*Remember to be somewhat flexible...no one will be absolutely perfect for us!

For me, my therapist is at the core of my healing journey. She is my foundation. I also depend greatly on my support sytem and my best friend.

Traditional therapy is not for everyone but we do have options. There are many healing resources available to us including: self-help books and manuals, workshops, support groups, and/or residential treatment.

We must design the healing path that is right for us as individuals.

~Fears~

When we begin therapy, we put ourselves in an unusual position. One in which we share our deepest thoughts, secrets and feelings with someone we barely know. Also, change is very scary. We want to be free of our past..our painful childhood...but by delving into the past and working through it, we enter the unfamiliar territory of change.

We become aware that we will change and so will our relationships with the people in our lives. There are no guarantees and that can be frightening! Taking this step takes a great deal of courage and determination.

~Getting a Name and taking the first steps~

Where can I look?

*Ask friends *Call the local crisis hotline.

*Call national or local professional organizations and ask for the names of therapists who specialize in abuse.

~Trust Your Instincts~

Your gut-feelings and instincts are a great way of determining if a therapist is right for you. After your initial session, give yourself some time to

think about how it went. Does this seem to be a person with whom you can work with? Do you feel as comfortable and safe as possible? Was the therapist patient? confident? Does the therapist have a sense of humor? Will they be available during times of crisis? Your answers to these questions will help you to make this important decision.

~The Therapy Relationship~

A great deal of healing can occur just working out our relationship with our therapist. Talking openly and working through negative feelings and not being attacked will be a brand new experience for us! We learn a great deal as we listen to ourselves talk to our therapist and work through difficult times in the relationship together. Everything that happens in this relationship reveals a little more about our own background. We deserve to have a therapist who can help us understand more about ourselves and our past.

~Deciding to Recover~

We must make a conscious decision to begin working on our issues and begin our healing journey. Taking these first steps can take a great deal of courage. The advantages we gain through opening ourselves to healing far outweigh the risks. We will begin workitng through our pain and anger and will also encounter changes in our relationships with familly and friends. At times, it will seem to take all of our strength to travel on our journey. The process may seem slow, tiring, and overwhelming, but our recovery is worth it!

Twenty Common Myths Surrounding Psychotherapy