Page 9 Redhead Jokes

Q: How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?

A: She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails.

A redhead accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly. make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife.

"What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.

There were three women who always hang their laundry out in the backyard.

When it rains, of course, the laundry always gets wet - all the laundry,

...except for the redhead's.

The other two women wonder why the redhead never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.

So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to the redhead, "How come when it rains, your laundry is never out?"

"Well," says the redhead, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at my husband. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash."

"What if it is pointed up?" asks one of the women.

"Honey," says the redhead, "on a day like that, you don't do the laundry!"

The Silent Treatment

Gary and Pat were having some problems at home and were giving each other the "silent treatment." But then Gary realized that he would need his redhead to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning drive with some pals to a golf match.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and so lose the "war"), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am." The next morning, Gary woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and that his friends would have left for the golf course without him.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 am.

Wake up."

Men simply are not equipped for these kinds of contests.