A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a redhead with three small children running around at her feet. He said, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken aback. He said, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

The redhead said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."

  Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.  The redhead turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"  The other replies, "Oh sure I do."  The redhead asks, "What do you do about it?"  The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."  

After a few moments, the redhead asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

Walter is standing outside a condo in Miami Beach when all of a sudden he  hears, "Hello, handsome." 

He looks up and sees a middle-aged redheaded woman, naked from the waist up, hanging out of a window.  And she's got some damned beautiful jugs!

She says, "Come on up.  14B."

Needless to say, he runs into the condo, goes up in the elevator,
runs down  the hall to 14B, and knocks on the door.  She opens the door, pulls him in,  and closes the door.  She's stark naked, except for bikini panties.  He can't  believe it.

She leads him into the living room, not saying a word.  She  unbuckles his belt, pulls down his zipper, undoes his pants, and pulls them down to his ankles. She pulls his T-shirt up to his chest, and pulls down his boxers. He's got a boner like you write home about. She cups his hard-on in her hand, strokes it a few times, and then she starts SMACKING it,
and says, Don't-you-ever-park-in-my-fucking-parking-spot-again-you-son-of-a
bitch..."