6/2000
Dh won custody summer '99. A year later at 8th grade graduation, dh has to
be out of town on business. We plan a large slumber party to celebrate
graduation.
I
again plan for any eventuality.
If there's a problem with bm or her
parents, we'll call the police, leave, meet up at Starbucks...
My girls, their friends, ss and I arrive. We spot bm and her
parents stalking us trying to decide what to do. We walk towards them.
As ss
visits with them, I spot 2 of his teachers and run over to ask ss to get a
pic with them. Grandma, increasingly angry, tries to stop me. I persist
wanting to take advantage of the moment. As ss waits for his teachers to be
free, I walk over to bm to ask her if she wants to meet his teachers. She
looks apprehensively at her mother and replies tersely, "I already met them!" I look at her puzzled,
"No, one of them is new." She repeats no. *shrug* No skin off my
nose.
As we go in the auditorium ss tells me he must meet bm
and her parents at the tree. My 15yo hears, tells her friends. They'll
meet us there too. Bm and her parents end up in the auditorium on the
side ss does not come in and exit from. Only 3 from each family are
allowed to attend. My 12yo, her girlfriend and I attend.
Once ss
walks down from the stage, I watch him looking over the auditorium. He
spots his mom and happily waves. I realize again that he does love her.
He spots me. We exit.
His 15yo stepsister and her friends help him
quickly strip from his gown, turn it in for him, and we all go to the
tree.
Ss visits with bm and her parents, then ss approaches me
saying they want to take him out for ice cream. I reply, "Do you
want to?" He's in that tense mood, "Of course I do!" I
reply, "Ok." and walk over to talk to bm.
I realize
grandma wants to be in charge, but I always choose to deal with bm
first. I sense all the tug o war I'd felt from bm and grandma before the
graduation has been replaced with appropriate behavior - for the moment. It reminds me of
what I've learned - you teach people how to treat you by how you treat
them. She and I arrange that ss can go for ice cream, and he'll be back
in an hour for the graduation party at our home.
He is.
Concerned stepmom
"She" can be one too!
When you look at the deadbeat sites, ask yourself if you're
behaving like a deadbeat, and remember that men are victims of "her"
deadbeat mentality also.
Whether you are a custodial parent, a non-custodial parent, a
first wife, a second wife, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, ask yourself if you're behaving in
the best interest of the child.
