Men are not the only

  Whether you are a custodial parent, a non-custodial parent, a first wife, a second wife, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, ask yourself if you're behaving in the best interest of the child.    

FATHER AND CHILD REUNION: How To Bring The Dads We Need To The Children We Love (NY: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam; January, 2001) by Warren Farrell

A Xmas card for all the difficult ex's in our lives.

9/25/00 - Three months until some unprepared noncustodial parents may have experiences like the one George told about last year:
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George:

Thanks, sadly, for telling it like it is for thousands of noncustodial parents on Christmas Day. Many of those disappointed parents may find Parenting Time Visitation Enforcement Software useful to never let this kind of denial go unchallenged in the future. See:  HTTP://WWW.HOW2.ORG/VISNFORS.HTML

On Saturday, December 25, 1999 9:52 AM, George wrote:

Dear Editor,
I would like to submit the following for consideration the "As I See It" column.

It is Christmas.  The day is finally here.

Today, the calls will begin, and door bells will ring.

Somewhere a mother tells her children to go to their rooms.  Then she goes to answer the door.

"Hello Frank, what do you want?" she says to the man standing there.

"I'm here to pick up of the kids for Christmas."

"I told you on the phone that they don't want to spend today with you.  They want to go to my parents.  Are you deaf, or just dumb?"

"Helen, the court order says I get them for Christmas."

"You know the courts don't enforce that.  No one cares if you see the kids. So if you keep bothering me with this, I'm going to call the police and say  you're threatening us.  You'll be in jail in a flash.  So go away!"

"Well, I figured you would ignore the orders again, so I brought the kids' presents.  Can I see them?"

"No, they're playing in their room.  Put the presents in the garage and I will tell them they're from you."

"Can I call them?"

"No, not this weekend, we'll be busy.  I'll call you if they want to talk to you."

After seeing the father gone, the mother calls the children.

"Was that Daddy?" says the 7-year-old.

 "Yes"

"Will we see him today?"

"No, he's busy.  He's spending Christmas with his girlfriend and her kids. I'm so sorry."

"Did he bring us anything?"

"No, he didn't.  He can't afford to buy you presents this year, but I think he's just spending his money on his girlfriend's kids.  He's not even paying  his child support.  But don't worry, there are lots of gifts for you, I even  think that Santa left some more around here.  I'm going to find them, so whys don't you go out and play while I look."

As they leave, she opens a cabinet, takes out wrapping paper and tape, then goes to the garage.

This story is true, though the names are different to protect the innocent,  and the not-so.  Some version of this event will be repeated thousands of  times on this day.  Christmas, when we are suppose to be celebrating the  wondrous birth of Jesus and his example of a relationship between a Father and his Son.

But on this day, government studies show that 60% of fathers will be denied their children for Christmas.  Many will have traveled thousands of miles, only to be turned away.

Many will go to court, getting a hearing some time in the Spring.  They'll spend thousands only to hear a judge tell them that Christmas is past, so  there is nothing that can be done about it. They should get them next  Christmas.

Others will throw up their hands, saying that there's no use.  The heartache every time they are denied is just too much.  So they just hope the kids will want to see them when they are grown.

A few others will feel that they cannot live without their children and decide that life is not worth living anymore.

In this coming political year, and with the issues of the Cuban boy, one has  to wonder why is there so much concern with child support, and so little with court-ordered-parenting-time.  Commercials are run telling fathers to spend more time with their children, but no advice on how millions of nonresidential fathers can do it.  Maybe the one question that should be  asked of those who want to lead this great country is, "When will children  have the right to not only a father's money, but also to a father's love?"