Men are not the only

Dh's work required our move from Vegas to CA.  We researched on the net for excellent schools, near the beach, a comfortable commute to dh's work, and a different county than bm.  We chose a city an hour away from bm, during CA court. Then dh won custody summer '99. 

At the first ortho appt I took ss to, I was surprised to see bm walk down the hallway.  It's a 1 1/2 hr trip one way for each of us. She sits on a bench. I stand up, walk over, sit beside her and ask, "Did you have to come to pay the bill?" She responds she wants to talk to the ortho. I said ok and returned to my bench. I thought that was a long way to drive to talk to the ortho, but that's up to her.

The next visit dh takes son. Grandma now supervises the visit. She demands ss sit beside her and she talks in a voice loud enuf for dh to hear about all the ways we aren't taking care of his cat.

Dh stops to make sure administrator has his address and phone #'s. The woman says, "OMG, YOU'RE the dad?!? You wouldn't believe the things I know about you!"  Just then grandma walked by. The administrator guffaws, "Ooops!!!" putting her hand to her mouth.  Dh doesn't ask what she knows about him, or offer what he could about bm. He smiles a little, gives her the info, and goes on his way.

I take ss to the next appts. The first one I arrive early, the ortho is double booked and swamped, she nicely answers my questions while ss is being treated. I walk out to sit on the bench.  Grandma (bm must be working) arrives late  and goes in the office. About 20 minutes later ss joins me on the bench. I ask him, "Are you all done?" He whispers something to me 3xs before I understand him. "Grandma told me to wait for her." I reply, "What?!? We're leaving." We march out. I don't want him to miss more school. 

At the car ss seems concerned about how he'll explain it to his grandma.  I replied, "Tell her the truth! You told me she said to wait and I said we're leaving." Ss looks stunned.  What a novel concept - the truth.  He seems stunned that he can tell the truth, that he doesn't have to cover for me, and that he doesn't have to take the fall for this.

After ss's next visit to his mom's ss, very amused, shares with us that his grandma was ranting about my being a bitch and angry at ss for not waiting for her. Dh writes bm a letter that my questions were answered during the treatment, grandma was late, ss will not be waiting for grandma to finish, he'll be leaving to get to school.

I've learned to plan ahead, and think about my options. We'd leave at 7:30am to avoid traffic, arrive an hour early, sign in leaving my cell phone #, and disappear to another part of the UCLA campus. At the appropriate time, we'd return to the ortho office.

One time we rounded the corner to walk down the hall to where grandma had been sitting stewing. She yelled down the long hallway at ss, "Get over here!" I told ss ahead of time to remain behind me, that he's with me, and he's not to jump to grandma's orders while he's with me.  Ss continues to walk behind me as grandma yells 2 more times.

I walk up to her calmly and ask, "What's up? Are they ready for us?" She refuses to talk to me. She repeats to ss, "Get over here!" as we follow her inside. She points to the sign-in sheet and sharply tells ss to sign in. I look at her puzzled, "He's already signed in." She looks confused and she'd rather bully ss than deal calmly with me. I see the supervisor over grandma's shoulder looking curiously at us. I wave at him.  He waves back grinning. Grandma turns sharply to see who I'm waving at. She is not happy I'm on friendly terms with these people.

As previously arranged with ss, I wave him out for him to sit on the bench with me on one side and the computer stand on the other side. I always have him bring a book, and he begins reading. 

Grandma remains in the office a moment, probably writing down my cell phone #, exits the office and stands in front of the hallway wall across from us, vulturing trying to decide her next move. Ss continues reading and I relax looking around. Grandma resentfully gives up. She sits on the next bench.

Concerned stepmom